Binghamton Parade Day Fails

By February 29, 2016Updates

We’re less than a week away from Binghamton’s most revered annual tradition: Parade Day. I’ve been partaking in Parade Day for almost a decade now and have been witness to a lot of interesting stuff. Below are three of the biggest fails I’ve experienced.

Why “Kirk”, Why

I’m starting off with the best story I have. So last year I lived in an apartment on Court Street which gave me a great view of the parade as well as Fail #1. It was just getting dark (about 2 hours after the parade) and things were starting to die down, or so we thought. My friends and I peered out my side window and noticed a guy (hereafter referred to as “Kirk”) hanging out on top of a roof (not sure how he got there) about three buildings away. Kirk then proceeded to make his way two buildings closer to mine, which put him only one building away. He started stumbling towards my building but there was one issue, the current rooftop he was on was higher than the rooftop he was jumping to, and my building’s roof was another 30 feet higher than that building. So he was essentially walking into a trap. Kirk only realized this after he had jumped down to the lower roof. Kirk was now trapped and looked like a mouse in one of those mazes…

We opened our side window and called out to him but he was so distraught he didn’t really comprehend what was going on. And to top it off his pants had fallen off, he was standing in a foot of snow, and it was about 15 degrees at this point. Being the responsible people we are, my friends and I called the police. About an hour later Kirk was rescued off the roof by the fire department. Learn from Kirk: roof hopping on Parade Day (or in general) is never a good idea.

Sweeping Her Off Her Feet

Fail #2 happened about three years ago but is still vivid in my memory. It involved my two friends who had been dating for a couple years at that point. My one friend wasn’t a huge fan of getting tickled (is anyone really?). Anyways her boyfriend thought it would be a good idea to start tickling her profusely. She tried to get away but was so overcome with laughter that it was hard for her to move.

After about 2 minutes she was able to slip out of his grasp and started to run around the dining room table, her boyfriend in hot pursuit, outstretching his hands for a second round of tickling. Having had a few beverages at this point, she thought the rational thing to do was run out of the apartment, barefoot. He, also being mildly inebriated, picked up a broom and ran out of the apartment (also shoe-less) and chased after her pretending to sweep her away (don’t ask me why).

My friends and I sprinted to the window only to witness the two of them disappear around the corner and out of sight. We didn’t see them again that day. Although, we later found out that they ran about a quarter mile to her apartment where they took a post-parade day nap together. I guess you could call that a fairy tale ending?

This Story Will Have You “Crawling” Back For More

This last Fail also happened three years ago. My one friend “Jim” had hurt his back weightlifting two days before Parade Day and could barely walk. My friends somehow convinced him to partake in Parade Day anyways and were fairly confident that a few beers would clear his back pain right up. Their sage pain management advice seemed to pay off and Jim seemed like his normal self. He even took part in our Parade Day “Harlem Shake” dance video (remember when that was a thing?).

The rest of the day went as planned, we all made it down to the parade, hit up a few bars and had an enjoyable time. All seemed to be going well for Jim until his buzz started to wear off, he got separated from us, and his phone died (recipe for disaster). We later found out from Jim, when he finally made it back to the apartment, that after his phone died and he couldn’t find us, that he started to walk back to our place on his own. About half-way through his trek back (3 mile journey), his back completely locked up. With no phone to call someone for help with, Jim was forced to continue his journey. BUT the pain had gotten so bad that he had to finish the trip on his hands and knees. Took him almost an hour to crawl a mile back to the apartment. Poor Jim.

Those are just a few of the biggest Parade Day fails I’ve been apart of. I’m sure you all have a few tales of your own, which we encourage you to share on our Facebook page.

Have a SAFE and happy Parade Day everyone!